It feels like an American Tradition; the last day of school. School’s out for summer. Chaos mingles with excitement. Joy and glee beside sorrow and loss. It’s the beginning of a fun-filled season of vacations and freedom. It’s a sudden left hook realization that a number of deeply-felt relationships are abruptly at an end. It’s as if in an instant, a family is ripped away. So there is laughter. There are tears. There are hugs and there are cheers. And there’s always a talent show.
When my daughter excitedly informed me she wanted to sing the Star-Spangled Banner for the talent show, I felt my throat tighten. My inner gremlin piped up with instant judgement about what a terrible idea this was. It was fraught with peril. The dangers! The audacity! The potential for disaster! “Are you sure that’s what you want to do, sweetheart?”, I calmly asked with an elevated heart rate. “Yeah, Dad!!”. “Well, OK then! Awesome. Do IT!”, I encouraged. Then I spent the next couple of weeks encountering flashes of my own judgement, projection and fear. The Star-Spangled Banner? That’s a tough song. There will be so many people there. She hasn’t practiced. Will she remember the words? What if it goes horribly awry? I pushed down my fears. “Do you feel like you’re ready for the talent show, honey”? “Yeah, Dad!!”.
This morning was the talent show. My little girl was up first. That little baby I held in my arms just a short dream ago – now finishing fourth grade and becoming a young lady faster than I can comprehend. There she stood, on stage all by herself before a gymnasium full of people. Just her and a flag and a microphone. The music started and she began to sing. The inner gremlin piped up with judgments when first she struggled a little with the words. It tried to convince me disaster was imminent. But I watched as my little girl proved that gremlin wrong. She didn’t run off stage crying at her mistake. She didn’t let it phase her. She just picked up at the next words she knew and carried on with the music. A couple times her words got out of synch with the music. Again my terror welled up and my throat tightened and I feared for her. Again, she proved my fears unfounded. She just got back in synch with the words, and she sung on. She stood there beautifully, courageously, stepping into and owning her goal and her bigness. When she got done, the whole place applauded and the smile on her face moved me to tears.
Later in the day, I told her how proud I was of her. I told her that would have been really scary to me. She said it was. I told her I admired her courage and her commitment. She said “But I messed up”. I asked her what the last line of the song was. She said “The home of the brave”? And I said “That’s right. And what you did today was so brave. Sure, you messed up. But in life, we mess up. It takes bravery to keep going when we mess up. To stick with it, move on, and make something beautiful out of it regardless. You showed me how to be brave today and I’m so proud of you. I Love you”.
“I love you too, Dad”.
Today, my little girl gave me a lesson in bravery. So I wanted to share it with you.
#BeYourBigness
~KG~